From the desk of Alice - Wisdom from the ripe old age of 3.5

My Dearest friends,

It has been far too long since I have last written you. Many things have happened, but alas it is difficult for me to recall them all in detail. I have taken The Giants on many adventures and my training of them seems to be a Sisyphean task.

Since it's been so challenging for me to have time to sit down and write, I've enlisted The Fuzzy Giant to transcribe some of my thoughts so that they can be as a beacon of light of future generations. Here are some enlightened thoughts that I was conveying the other day. Alas he was a poor archivist and only was able to capture the beginning.

I saw Maleficent two and a half times and the scary part at the end she doesn't change back into a dragon at the end and then we ate ham-burr-ers and Aurora went and then I have streamers on my bike and one fell off because it was windy and then we threw it in the garbage and I had my face painted at the tulip festival and next time I see Aunty Valerie I can call her Rose because she calls me Alicio but Isaac can't do that because he's a baby and he knocks over my towers even when I say "NO ISAAC NO" he does and then I say "DOUBLE TIMEOUT" and then I go and play with my special jewelery and...

Trust me, that was but a fraction of my thoughts. I really must get a voice recorder.

Rather than writing a thousand words to describe some of my adventures, I thought that I would do "an almost year in review" with pictures instead, perhaps slightly out of order.

Vertical cannot contain my greatness. I must go horizontal

It is important to patrol the neighbourhood in style

It's important to keep your friends close...

This is me instructing The Fuzzy Giant in the proper art of fancy running

If you can get the angle just right, the swing will detach and transform into a robot

Apparently this is how The Giants caught their food in the Before Times

Swing until the set rolls

Instructing Isaac in the formal art of napping with stuffies

If you snuggle your pumpkin just right, it may turn into a carriage

OR A MONSTER TO EAT YOU

Isaac witnessing the true power of my yell. He may have filled his pants

One small step for Alice. One giant leap for Alice-kind

In this picture I am plotting revenge on The Giants for The Incident Involving No Cookies

Most people don't realize that you need to ride a luck dragon behind the nostrils

The movie star shot with the wind in your hair? This.

The layout of rocks was all wrong. I was attempting to fix it by moving some into the river

I was quite disappointed that The Giants wanted to share my single round piece

"You see that island over there Giant? Not anymore! Bow before my awesome power!"

This is where I made Lego Santa cry. I'm proud of that moment.

They asked why I had to climb that stone elephant? BECAUSE IT WAS THERE.

I clearly have a heightened sense of safety with respect to the ocean. It was both cold and wet. I must be carried

You can see that I am annoyed that The Giants have forgotten I am the sole center of attention. They paid for it later, at great cost

This is called "Grocery Store Gothic" and hangs in the Louvre

Demonstrating to The Giants proper sun glasses technique

A fairy dress, pink tutu, hat and novelty sunglasses. It's the latest in Milan

Similar look, different accessories. As you do.

I don't know how many times I told The Food Giant: bend your legs. Good Giants are so hard to find these days

Again it was up to me to explain the dangers of the sea

"And you shall fold my bed sheets like this. No, I don't care if you can't walk. Get it done!"

I was told that they had cakes of pan served with the reduced blood of the maple tree.

I toured with Cirque du Soleil for a season as a bubble blower. The cubic ones are the most difficult

Always test to see if you would be successful with outrunning your Giant in case of bear or such like attacks

I was attempting face paint for camouflage. Perhaps not my best first attempt

When vacuuming, always wear the head of a robot to show the vacuum you mean business

If caught by paparazzi, never make a nice smile

This was my first day of play school. I was very excited to regularly spread my wisdom to new Giants. Just in case the current ones don't work out

When finding a star with your name, own it.

Until next time, lovingly yours,
Alice

The Chronicle of Isaac - Once Around the Sun

Greetings!

My friends, although I do not find the time to write much, I think of you often. I regularly insist that The Giants write down my words to send to you, but in their haste they just write "Ba ba ba!" or "Mmmmm Mmmmm". It is not their fault and I place no blame upon them. They are often busy with Alice and myself.

It is important to sample the local wares, including sand.

I have been able to master much since I last wrote you. I am quite skilled in "cruising" around the furniture to find the things that bring joy to my heart. Other than my sister and The Giants, all of which I hold dear, I find myself spending my leisure time either banging on something or using something with buttons. The Fuzzy Giant often looks lost so I travel over to the Bin of Things and search for my trusty tambourine and play him a ditty to distract him from the certainty that he shortly will be wiping my bum. One of my favourite instruments is a heavy pot lid and a small metal ladle. There is something invigorating about the repeated clash of steel on steel.

Time to get the bluegrass band back together

Breaking bread with others can be a solemn time, filled with traditions. I have introduced the Ceremony of Offerings to the Floor Gods. Before starting to eat, I hold an offering of food in my hand, extend my arm from the side of my highseat and release the food. Long may the provisions bring strength and wisdom to the floor and let it forever support us. Ababy. The Giants play their part in the ceremony when they sweep and wipe up the offerings.

Traveling by sled is a thrill

One of the many ways which Alice and I have kept The Giants occupied is that we have spent a great deal of time trying to get sick. Alice is fortunate that she can go to playschool and get exposure to so many others, while I am limited so I must try to lick or put things in my mouth. Oftentimes Alice is generous and makes a conscience effort to share her cold with me. I pay it forward to The Giants. Just the other week I sneezed directly in The Fuzzy Giant's mouth while he was singing to me. Luckily the cold caught right away so I only had to do that once. I cannot really remember a time in which someone wasn't sick in this homestead. I would provide more details but there are some horrors that should not be written.

This Giant gives the best tickles

I oftentimes see a portal open that should normally be closed. Sometimes it leads into one of the rooms with the sleeping platforms, others into the room of porcelain and water. I am always thrilled to go and explore and I crawl with a rapid "fwap fwap fwap" of my palms against the floor.  This seems to alert The Giants because time and again they swoop in and scoop me up. I get quite frustrated with repeatedly being stopped just as I near my goal.

Oooooh! Something that I'm not supposed to touch. Or rip off the wall. Again.

Another activity that I have been enjoying of late is the wanton destruction of simple foam based architecture. The Fuzzy Giant, and sometimes Alice, will construct a tower of blocks. As they marvel at their work they will frequently remark "It would be a shame if something happened to my tower...". I take that to be my cue to test how strong their tower actually is. To date it has never been very strong, as I topple it in seconds. At this they usually cry out "Oh no!" and then the process repeats. I am starting to question how much trust I should put in them if they are unable to build even a simple structure that will withstand a little abuse.

Teaching the Fuzzy Giant how to do "Blue Steel"

Did you see the flip I just did???

Grocery Store Gothic

Oh jingle bunny, you always make me giggle

Nicely done photo taken by my sister

Farewell until our next meeting!
Isaac 

Recovered Giant Artifact #47

Item: ink on paper
Recovery date: 2014-12-12
Analysis:  Appears to be a modification of "Home for a Rest" is a song by Spirit of the West.

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best
I've been gone for a month, I haven't slept since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the kids I need home for a rest

We arrived in November and SanFran was cold
We stayed on the paths along sea side roads
We never saw nothin' but sea gulls and dogs
Kept a shine on the stroller with the palms of our gloves

[chorus]

Adventure bound the car journeyed east
On the twisty roads we lurched back and forth
Past old giant sequoias through Yosemite's green hills
We were flung into panic as the kid gagged and reeled

[chorus]

By the light of the moon, she'd drift off to sleep
A rare old moment, so seductive and sweet
She'd tease us with sleep, as we walked through the town
Then we'd walk on home and then she'd make lots of sounds

[chorus]

The boy's bladder is empty, his diaper is damp I assume
The milk he drank now sprays across the room
I'm knackered again, come on sleep take me soon
But he lifts up his head every hour before noon
You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best

I've been gone for a month, I haven't slept since I left
These so-called vacations will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the kids I need home for a rest
Take me home

Recovered Giant Artifact #23

Item: ink on paper
Recovery date: 2014-11-02
Analysis:  Appears to be a modification of "A Whole New World" from Aladdin.

"A Whole New Day"

Alice: I can show you the world
Dark, quiet, sleepy
Tell me, daddy, now when did
You last let your alarm decide?

Alice: I can open your eyes

Take you activity by activity
Over, sideways and under
On a magic spaceship ride

Alice: A whole new day
A new fantastic point of view
Just me to tell you no and where to go
Or say it's mornin' time

Daddy: A whole new day
A pre-dawn place I never knew
But when I'm awake here, it's perfectly dark
Now I'm in a whole new day with you

Alice: (Now I'm in a whole new day with you)
Daddy: Unbelievable hour
Indescribable feelings
Shuffling, stumbling, grumbling
Through an endless toy-strewn floor

Daddy: A whole new day
Alice: (Don't you dare close your eyes)
Daddy: A hundred thousand sleeps to do
Alice: (Open your eyes, it gets better)

Daddy: I'm feel like the undead
I want my bed
I want to go back
To where I used to be

Alice: A whole new day
Daddy: Every dawn a surprise

Alice: With new hours to pursue

Daddy: Every moment it gets brighter
Both: I'll chase you anywhere
There's no time to spare
Let me share this whole new day with you

Alice: A whole new day
Daddy: A whole new day
Alice: That's where we'll be
Daddy: I need cof-feee!
Alice: A thrilling place
Daddy: It's dark like space
Both: For you and me

The Chronicle of Isaac - Halfway Around the Sun

Greetings!

It has been many months since I last sent you tidings of my adventures. Fear not for I have been doing well. I have become more and more accustomed to this new environment and am "sitting up". However, sometimes I try to see what is behind me and suddenly find myself lying on the cushion The Giants have placed behind me.

From time to time The Giants take me on a expedition to The Mall to obtain various items and baked goods (The Fuzzy Giant worships at the church of Cinnabon). The first time we passed by a vendor called La Senza I saw a pair of food sources on a poster that were larger than me! I tried to extricate myself from the moving vehicle, but alas the bonds that tied me to the stroller were too strong. I vow that one day I will go back and eat my fill. As Mr. Lion is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

About a month ago I started to eat what The Giants refer to as "solid food". It seems more like mush to me though. No matter the number of times I've ordered braised giraffe or roasted purple antlered moose I still seem to get something like mashed squash. Alice, The Giants and I sit around the supper table and we all eat together. Occasionally larger groups of Giant brethren attend these meals. Honestly, many times I become bored of my menu and wish to be done before the others. Some of those times I can no longer stay awake and I rest my eyes for but a moment.

Here I am dreaming of gingered ground giraffe served in a gourd

The Giants insist on many outings. Most days we travel to parks both distant and near. I often spend time observing Alice and watching while she trains for I know not what. She seems quite enthusiastic about her exercises with the ladders, slides and swings. From time to time I also partake in a swing or two as well. Other times I sit on a blanket and watch the leaves. It has been quite fortunate that I have kept such close watch on the leaves because of late they have changed colour and fallen off! Alice assures me that they will grow back again once I have experienced one complete orbit around the local star, but that seems such a far time off.

Upper body strength is important.  Here I am completing my 73rd rep of the deltoid strengthening program.

This is part of my competitive free style swing routine.

After being at the park I am often too weary to navigate home.

One person that I deeply care about is Alice. When I need to be comforted with a hug, some poetry or  a ballad, she is there to assist me. When I need someone to hold my hand and help me though an unfamiliar situation, she provides the helping hand. When I need someone to push me from a sitting position to the floor and then roll over me while taking away any toys I was playing with, she is there to help out. No matter what happens, I adore her.

I have found my exit buddy.

I have become advanced with my giant riding. As I progressed with my mount I gave up the dream of a long distance race and settled on trick riding.  I am quite proud of one of the latest tricks that I have mastered. I was able to get my Giant to not only walk along a fallen tree, but to perform a dance at the same time. There are many social benefits to being an accomplished Giant jockey, and I am reaping the rewards. A fringe benefit is that for a well trained Giant, if you fall asleep while riding they are able to find their own way home.

I call this program A Dance of Ten Thousand Leaves

As the weather becomes cooler The Giants have decided to outfit me in a overly large blue suit. Clearly it is so large to accommodate another couple of people inside, one to operate the arms and another to operate the legs. Up to now I have been the only person placed inside. I expect that shortly I will be assigned my teammates.

Large enough for 3.

Occasionally, there is still a pleasantly warm day to enjoy. I prefer to spend these precious few remaining times unwinding in a clever contraption that renders me airborne. I feel positively jolly as I leap over entire Duplo villages in a single bound. Alice seems fascinated by it as well. I am told that her form is not suited to the device because she has grown too large for it. Whenever she sees me in my full flight gear, she is irresistibly drawn to it, and attempts to carry me off. You may have read about this in her correspondence. I am thrilled at any opportunity for closeness, as it allows me to grasp the fascinating gleaming golden strands that sprout from her head. That is usually when I hear her vocalize loudly. I can only assume she is as thrilled as I am. This is footage of me partaking in pendulous patio pumpkin pouncing prior to provisions.  Pumpkin placement? Perfect.

Farewell until our next meeting!
Isaac

From the desk of Alice - The Warmer Months: When Thoughts Turn to Santa

My Dearest friends,
First off, I would like to explain that I like Santa. A lot. For the last 15 months I have been studying all research material that I can obtain. I have been learning songs and practicing saying "ho ho ho". I feel that when the time comes, when I am finally three, I will be ready to meet him again. Last December I met the jolly old elf but I cried when I saw him, in spite of myself. I am embarrassed to admit that I froze up before I was able to execute my plan. I shall not fail next time. I've carefully related to The Giants how next time I will not be shy and I will tell him what I want for Christmas. I lowered my voice into a conspiratory whisper and explained "... and then I will go through his pockets". They laughed. They clearly do not think that I am capable of carrying out my plan. I assure you that I am.

I was dazzled by all the red

I have been keeping well enough of late. I have been taking The Giants and Isaac for regular walks and park visits. They tend to keep up if you turn to them and deadpan "walk with me". Since my last missive I have obtained a three wheeled vehicle that I can power with my mind (and legs). I can get it up to a great speed, but I've been unable to locate the place where the wings should be attached. I was quite annoyed the other day when The Fuzzy Giant was pushing it using the Giant handle whilst lifting the front wheel. I explicitly told him not to do that, but beyond all reason he ignored me. Then the front wheel and steering assembly fell apart. I was quite upset. This is what happens when your Giants have not been properly trained in the art of tricycle assembly.

Out for an evening ride

The training of my assistant Isaac continues, but it has been slower than I expected it to be. He spends most of his time sitting - or lying - around. At this point I don't know who will assemble the device for my ultimate plan. Clearly I cannot enlist The Fuzzy Giant if I want my plan to succeed. I believe that The Giants are also grooming him for a task to be completed in a low gravity environment. They regularly place him in a "jolly jumper" and "float" objects in front of him and encourage him to grab them. I can only assume that this work is to be done on a clandestine space station. One benefit of this low G training is that I can demonstrate a "piggy back" ride to Isaac. I expect him to carry me around this way once he can walk.

We have recently gone on several longer car trips. The latest one was to London. Being an inexperienced traveler, Isaac became distressed at points. While The Giants' story telling and singing abilities are passable, they cannot compete with my aptitude for oration and crooning. It was upon me to calm him down. I must say that I did an admirable job.

Of late I have taken up swimming. Alas, not in time to get the most out of the summer months, but enough that I can wear a flotation ring device and spin or move from one side of a pool to another. I expect that by reading about swimming over the winter months I will be able to swim great lengths and to great depths. The Fuzzy Giant was tutoring me before. Apparently saying "blub blub blub" is of key importance.

One drawback from spending so much time with The Giants is that I find it challenging to expand my vocabulary and phraseology. In order to combat this I have taken to borrowing reading material from the local library. This has been particularly enlightening because I've learned phrases that can be used in everyday conversation like:

• Run for your life!
• A corn on the cob, a very nice lunch.
• You almost got me killed!
• A Gruffalo? What's a Gruffalo?

The Giants do not seem to appreciate how useful these phrases are. They rarely if ever add them into their conversations with family, friends and neighbours. I have been trying to pick up their slack by contributing them myself.

One thing that I have observed with respect to The Giants is how often they pray to the household god of Independent Preschoolers - Sweet Bajeebus. Often when I have to be particularly firm with The Giants, especially the Fuzzy Giant, I hear him mutter a quiet prayer to "Sweet Bajeebus". I surmise that means that I am doing well in my training of them. Some days it becomes bothersome to hear it for the umpteenth time while that vein pulses on his bright red face. Not that I mean to criticize anyone in their religious practices though.

I must draw this letter to a close now as I continue my study of an enlightening manuscript called Tabby McTat by a Julia Donaldson.

Lovingly yours,
Alice