My Dearest Friends,
It has now been over a year since I entered
this strange land. Much has happened in that time. Many kilometers have
been crossed. Much has been pooped upon.
Taking care of two
Giants full time is rewarding, yet exhausting. I was able to enroll The
Fuzzy Giant in full time care 5 days a week starting in August and it
has been going well. I thought that I'd be okay with The Food Giant the
rest of the time, but alas it's been a bit much. I've recently placed
her in part time care in order to allow myself some "me time". I'll
still be caring for her 2 days a week plus weekends and evenings for
both of them. I believe that they are both in good hands - at centers
where they have plenty of other giants to play with.
I believe that the world is ending. It's getting so cold that chunks
of the sky are flaking off and floating down and collecting on the
ground. I think that The Giants were informed of this because now I have
an orange space suit that I believe is designed to protect me from the
bitter cold. I'm still waiting for my helmet so that I'll be able to
venture out into a vacuum. Honestly The Giants can be so disorganized
sometimes.
The Giants seem to be far too slow to be able to understand normal
language. It's quite disappointing, but I've been forced to learn
Giantese. It's a simple language, but I've been able to communicate
words like "book", "milk", "duckie", "cheese", "pumpkin", "daddy",
"mango", "dirty", "uh-oh", "sock". I especially like saying "boom", and
watching The Giants' faces while I drop something on the ground. It's
best to say the word ahead of time so they can understand what's going
to happen. It makes me laugh so much sometimes I pee my pants.
I've been able to cover quite a bit of ground crawling, but I've
decided that I need to working other muscles as part of my daily
exercise regime. I regularly stand or do squats in order to build muscle
tone in my legs. I feel that this will allow me to move quickly over
uneven ground in order to gain some distance from The Giants when we are
outside. Then, and only then, will I truly be free.
I was forced to participate in a pagan holiday where The Giants
dressed me up as an orange vegetable. I don't know what a "jack oh
lantern" is, and I'm not sure that I want to. I'm not exactly sure what
the point of the holiday is, but from what I understand the normal sized
people are forced to go around collecting edible things from
neighbouring giants and bring them home for the own giants to consume.
This past weekend The Giants invited over many other giants that I'm
familiar with. They played with me and brought me many gifts. I confess
that this was unexpected and I was quite flattered. It was nice seeing
all these different giants in one place. I have to admit that after all
this time they have become dear to me. At one point they even sang a
ritual giant song and sacrificed a cupcake to me in my feeding throne.
Apparently they do this every time the planet orbits the local star. I
have informed The Giants that next year they need to sacrifice a whole
cake to honour me. It's the only sensible thing to do.
The "one" and only,
Alice
