Item: Typed on formal letterhead
Recovery date: 2018-03-16
Analysis: Reference letter for a request for new begetters
It has recently come to our attention that Alice is seeking a change in parents. In order to aid in the selection process we have offered to compose this letter.
Alice is a bright and imaginative young girl. If you needed a death maze designed she would be a valuable asset. She knows exactly what she wants, even if it doesn’t align with your plans or reality. She would be a good match for a hearing impaired family. The ideal home would be on a tropical island, likely in a skull shaped volcano fortress. She enjoys swimming so no shark or piranha infested waters.
We love her very much, but respect her decision to seek out new parents. We expect great things from her in whatever field she chooses to work in whether it is teaching, medicine, or (most likely) the pursuit of world domination. We know one day when she fires her death / freeze / sunscreen-destroying ray gun at the screaming populace, it will be with love. The love of everyone bending to her will as she rules with an iron fist.
In conclusion we wish Alice all the best as she seeks new parents and we hope that they will be able to love her as much as we do.
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